(This is a personal story from one of our members.)
I'm a lust addict. I am a sick person. All sorts of odd things can be triggers and temptations to me. I'm not like "normal" people for whom those things would be no big deal. I am that sick.
But I get a daily reprieve from my sickness based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. For me that means that I stay rightly connected to God by surrendering those triggers and temptations and my insane thinking and my will and my life to Him. I learned how to do that by working the 12 Steps of the SA program under the direction of a sponsor. That is what the literature of SA suggested that I do if I wanted sobriety, recovery, serenity, and freedom from slavery to lust. As far as I've ever been able to figure out, SA actually doesn't offer any solution other than working those 12 Steps under the guidance of a sponsor.
My experience is that the program of working the 12 Steps simply works. And I know a lot of other people for whom it worked just like that as well. I also know through my experience that everything I came up with on my own as a means of getting rid of my sickness didn't work. So I just accepted that I was sick enough that I had to do what had actually worked for all those other "sick" people who were now living in freedom one day at a time.
It would have done me well to realize how sick I was a long time ago so that I could finally give up, let go, and let God. But I guess I needed more time to experience more pain first. But whatever the reasons are that I refused to really work the 12 Steps way back when I went to me first SA meeting, I'm really happy that I finally did.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Daily reminders
(The following is a personal story from one of our members.)
I'm reminded every day that I am a lust addict. It starts in the morning as I take time to connect with God at the beginning of the day and I remind myself as a habit when I pray that I am an addict. It continues during the day when some random temptation or trigger comes my way and reminds me that I am a lust addict. It also reminds me that I can connect with God in the midst of that trigger or temptation and make good use of what used to drive me to fear and panic. It now drives me to God. And that's a good thing. So it's good to be a recovering addict. I've grown and changed in ways that I don't think I could have if I wasn't an addict.
I used to desperately want to be rid of my addiction. I wanted the addiction gone and to never return. I wanted to be an "ex-addict" for whom sexual temptation no longer held any attraction. I wanted to be rid of "the addict", to cut that part of me out and get rid of it once and for all. I wanted an instant and permanent cure so that I could just be a "normal guy."
I wanted so many things, including wanting my will regarding my addiction to be done. I told God what I wanted, and when He didn't deliver, I began doubting Him.
But God apparently knew better. He offered a different solution. In this solution, I still am a lust addict. Temptations and triggers are still real. I sometimes have what seems like the most random memories or thoughts pop into my head. (Apparently my brain still holds all those memories and thoughts somewhere.) In the real world there are real temptations for me to face.
But I do not have to live in fear of any of that. I have "a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition." By working the program of the 12 Steps under the direction of a sponsor, I have become rightly connected with God, the Power greater than myself, who can and will keep me sober as I surrender my will and life and temptations and triggers to Him.
So I have embraced being a lust addict instead of continuing to fight it. It is not a separate part of me that I can be rid of. It is who I am. I am a sexaholic, and I am living free from the power of lust one day at a time because God keeps me sober.
I'm reminded every day that I am a lust addict. It starts in the morning as I take time to connect with God at the beginning of the day and I remind myself as a habit when I pray that I am an addict. It continues during the day when some random temptation or trigger comes my way and reminds me that I am a lust addict. It also reminds me that I can connect with God in the midst of that trigger or temptation and make good use of what used to drive me to fear and panic. It now drives me to God. And that's a good thing. So it's good to be a recovering addict. I've grown and changed in ways that I don't think I could have if I wasn't an addict.
I used to desperately want to be rid of my addiction. I wanted the addiction gone and to never return. I wanted to be an "ex-addict" for whom sexual temptation no longer held any attraction. I wanted to be rid of "the addict", to cut that part of me out and get rid of it once and for all. I wanted an instant and permanent cure so that I could just be a "normal guy."
I wanted so many things, including wanting my will regarding my addiction to be done. I told God what I wanted, and when He didn't deliver, I began doubting Him.
But God apparently knew better. He offered a different solution. In this solution, I still am a lust addict. Temptations and triggers are still real. I sometimes have what seems like the most random memories or thoughts pop into my head. (Apparently my brain still holds all those memories and thoughts somewhere.) In the real world there are real temptations for me to face.
But I do not have to live in fear of any of that. I have "a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition." By working the program of the 12 Steps under the direction of a sponsor, I have become rightly connected with God, the Power greater than myself, who can and will keep me sober as I surrender my will and life and temptations and triggers to Him.
So I have embraced being a lust addict instead of continuing to fight it. It is not a separate part of me that I can be rid of. It is who I am. I am a sexaholic, and I am living free from the power of lust one day at a time because God keeps me sober.
Monday, November 30, 2015
First face-to-face meeting
(This is a personal story from one of our members.)
I recall my first face to face meeting, which was a long time ago in a place far, far away. But I still remember it quite clearly.
What surprised me when I walked into that room was that there were a few women among the more than twenty people there. I was a bit shocked and wondered to myself how it would be to talk about sexual problems in a room that included women.
Turned out that it really was no problem at all, particularly when over time (fairly quickly) I got to know those women and realized that everybody was there with the same root problem and the same potential solution. The details didn't matter at all, and in fact, the details typically just got in the road of what we needed to be talking about and doing for sobriety.
It didn't matter in the end what my or anyone else's particular attractions, struggles, perversions, or acting out behaviors actually were. The core problem was spiritual, the mis-connection with God and others. The common solution was also spiritual, connecting rightly with God and others by working the Steps under the guidance of a sponsor.
Now in my case it took me a lot more years and a lot more pain before I became willing to really surrender to that God, but that's another story.
I recall my first face to face meeting, which was a long time ago in a place far, far away. But I still remember it quite clearly.
What surprised me when I walked into that room was that there were a few women among the more than twenty people there. I was a bit shocked and wondered to myself how it would be to talk about sexual problems in a room that included women.
Turned out that it really was no problem at all, particularly when over time (fairly quickly) I got to know those women and realized that everybody was there with the same root problem and the same potential solution. The details didn't matter at all, and in fact, the details typically just got in the road of what we needed to be talking about and doing for sobriety.
It didn't matter in the end what my or anyone else's particular attractions, struggles, perversions, or acting out behaviors actually were. The core problem was spiritual, the mis-connection with God and others. The common solution was also spiritual, connecting rightly with God and others by working the Steps under the guidance of a sponsor.
Now in my case it took me a lot more years and a lot more pain before I became willing to really surrender to that God, but that's another story.
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Accepting Others & The Solution - Personal Story
(This post is a personal story from one of our members.)
I appreciate the reminders I get of how my life is so much better when I finally give up trying to change other people. I continue to learn that attempting to change other people is simply a battle I can not win, and as such, all I succeed in doing is to frustrate myself and others when I try to do it. It's just one of those "accept the things I can not change" situations.
Granted, if someone really wants my help because they are really ready to change and will go to any length to do that, that's a different story. In that case I need to be unselfish enough to actually offer the experience, hope and strength that I've been given because of what God has been doing for me, and because of the help I got from other people in the program. Specifically, I can try to suggest that there is a solution that works if someone is willing to work it.
And I don't think it can be said too often that the solution is to get a sponsor and follow the sponsor's directions to work the 12 Steps as a means to connect rightly with God (who keeps me sober) and others (which means I don't have nearly as much pressure/temptations/triggers to return to the lust drug I used addictively for decades).
I guess it really is a simple program. It's just 12 simple Steps that if taken with the right attitude of surrender, result in a life-changing, spiritual awakening. Yeah, it's hard work, but it's worth it.
I appreciate the reminders I get of how my life is so much better when I finally give up trying to change other people. I continue to learn that attempting to change other people is simply a battle I can not win, and as such, all I succeed in doing is to frustrate myself and others when I try to do it. It's just one of those "accept the things I can not change" situations.
Granted, if someone really wants my help because they are really ready to change and will go to any length to do that, that's a different story. In that case I need to be unselfish enough to actually offer the experience, hope and strength that I've been given because of what God has been doing for me, and because of the help I got from other people in the program. Specifically, I can try to suggest that there is a solution that works if someone is willing to work it.
And I don't think it can be said too often that the solution is to get a sponsor and follow the sponsor's directions to work the 12 Steps as a means to connect rightly with God (who keeps me sober) and others (which means I don't have nearly as much pressure/temptations/triggers to return to the lust drug I used addictively for decades).
I guess it really is a simple program. It's just 12 simple Steps that if taken with the right attitude of surrender, result in a life-changing, spiritual awakening. Yeah, it's hard work, but it's worth it.
Monday, June 29, 2015
Why I Acted Out - A Personal Story
(This post is a personal story from one of our members.)
I'm reminded by something I read in the Alcoholics Anonymous book that we don't decide for someone else whether or not they are an addict. (And then they gave a suggested test for "potential" alcoholics who want to try to find out for themselves, which involved some more drinking.) So all I can say is what is true for me, someone who has concluded without a doubt that I am a sexaholic.
I acted out to deal with stress. I acted out to avoid feelings. I acted out to escape from life. I acted out to have a fantasy world to live in. I acted out to punish myself. I acted out to reward myself. I acted out to prepare for the day. I acted out to help me get to sleep. I acted out because the sex I engaged in two minutes ago wasn't the fantasy I wanted it to be. I acted out because I was bored. I acted out to heighten dull emotions. I acted out to heighten already heightened emotions. I acted out to bring myself out of the dumps. I acted out because I liked how it felt. I acted out because I just acted out and I was feeling awful about it. I acted out because it made me feel in control of something. I acted out because it made me my own god. I acted out because of the intrigue, the tease and the forbidden. I acted out because I believed it was impossible not to, so I might as well get it over with. I acted out for myriad of other reasons.
But whatever might be the particular reason at any particular moment, in the end, I acted out because I am a sexaholic. And that means for me that acting out is what inevitably follows my lusting. And I couldn't stop, even when I wanted to.
And then finally when I was really ready to be done with acting out, I surrendered to God and to this simple program of working the 12 Steps under the direction of a sponsor. And now I am no longer acting out.
I'm reminded by something I read in the Alcoholics Anonymous book that we don't decide for someone else whether or not they are an addict. (And then they gave a suggested test for "potential" alcoholics who want to try to find out for themselves, which involved some more drinking.) So all I can say is what is true for me, someone who has concluded without a doubt that I am a sexaholic.
I acted out to deal with stress. I acted out to avoid feelings. I acted out to escape from life. I acted out to have a fantasy world to live in. I acted out to punish myself. I acted out to reward myself. I acted out to prepare for the day. I acted out to help me get to sleep. I acted out because the sex I engaged in two minutes ago wasn't the fantasy I wanted it to be. I acted out because I was bored. I acted out to heighten dull emotions. I acted out to heighten already heightened emotions. I acted out to bring myself out of the dumps. I acted out because I liked how it felt. I acted out because I just acted out and I was feeling awful about it. I acted out because it made me feel in control of something. I acted out because it made me my own god. I acted out because of the intrigue, the tease and the forbidden. I acted out because I believed it was impossible not to, so I might as well get it over with. I acted out for myriad of other reasons.
But whatever might be the particular reason at any particular moment, in the end, I acted out because I am a sexaholic. And that means for me that acting out is what inevitably follows my lusting. And I couldn't stop, even when I wanted to.
And then finally when I was really ready to be done with acting out, I surrendered to God and to this simple program of working the 12 Steps under the direction of a sponsor. And now I am no longer acting out.
Monday, June 15, 2015
Getting Started in SA - A Personal Story
(This is a post from a member of our group.)
I "got started" in SA twice. The first time was way back when I was in my 20's. I heard about SA, I found out where there was a meeting, and I went. It was great. I found lots of people like me.
There were also a smaller number of people at the meeting who were not like me. They were the sober ones. They had recovery. They had peace and joy. They certainly did understand how it was for me, because they had been through the same experiences as me, and those experiences brought them to SA just like me. But in SA, they had found a real solution.
I had not yet found a solution. And so for the next 20 years, I went in an out of SA meetings, dabbling in the Steps, and relapsing often. Sometimes I'd just give up entirely and resolve to the fact that I was never going to change. At other times I tried a combination of SA meetings and other religious and counseling help. Nothing I tried and nothing I came up with worked.
There came a day five and a half years ago when I "got started" all over again. But this time was different. I had finally had enough. I had finally reached the point that our SA book talks about where I "really wanted to stop, but could not". I was defeated, I was broken, I was hating myself, I was hopeless, and I was helpless. Recovering people refer to this as a "pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization." It was painful. And when that happened, I finally gave up doing things my way, surrendered to God by committing to find a sponsor and do whatever he told me to do. And I knew enough to know that meant I'd be working the 12 Steps under his direction.
How can someone get started in SA? Go to meetings, find a sponsor who's worked the Steps and has what you want, and commit to doing whatever that sponsor says. It's really that simple to get started in the SA program of recovery.
Monday, June 1, 2015
Lying to Myself - A Personal Story
(The following is a post from one of our SA members.)
Before working the Steps of the SA program, it was so easy for me to lie to myself. There was so much of that kind of dishonest thinking revealed in my Step 4 inventories as I worked through the 12 Steps with my sponsor. My sponsor taught me that I lie to myself primarily in four ways: illusion, delusion, rationalization, and justification. Making decisions particularly when I'm rationalizing and justifying my bad plan of action, is just going to make it more likely that I end up regretting a relapse.
I now surrender any thought of doing anything that even has a whiff of lust. I'm powerless over lust. If I purposefully put myself into situations in which I'm entertaining the possibility of acting out, I will indeed end up acting out. It's what I do, because I am a sexaholic.
The bottom line for me today is that I seriously do "desire to stop lusting, and become sexually sober." That's the only requirement to be a member in SA, and there isn't any point to not taking that commitment seriously. So that means I must be honest with myself and surrender to God those lustful thought I used to entertain while I was trying to tell myself that I could handle them.
Monday, May 18, 2015
It's The Little Things - A Personal Story
(The following is a personal post from a group member.)
I got up this morning, and looked on my smartphone at the list of email I had received overnight. There were some important emails that I would need to take care of later today. I started to think about them. I started to think about how to answer particular ones. I started to forget that I need to begin every day with a time of prayer and reading to connect with God first thing in the morning. And even when I turned around and went back to where I kneel for prayer, my mind was already distracted with many things. It was much harder to "connect" with God this morning.
It's usually the little things that set me up for the big things to knock me down.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Just One Bad Choice - A Personal Story
(The following is a personal story from one of our members.)
I always remember that I am just one bad choice away from acting out again sexually. But that's an OK place for me to be at this point in my life. And that's because my choice is actually not what I previously thought it was.
I used to think that I could choose to not lust or act out. But I lost the ability to make that choice somewhere on my way to becoming a sexaholic. Since I am a sexaholic, I am powerless to fight lust and sexual acting out. And since I am a sexaholic, I can't be strong when it comes to lust and sexual acting out. I am weaker than lust; it beats me every time.
But what I do still seem to have the "strength" to do is to just give up and surrender. In my powerlessness, I just ask God to accept the lust that is starting to form in my mind as I let go of it and surrender it to Him. I then go and do the next right thing, or to ask God what His will is for me and then go and do that.
So my potential "one bad choice" would be to choose to try to fight lust instead of surrendering lust to God and surrendering myself to His will. As long as I'm surrendered to Him, I really don't have anything to worry about, because I will stay sober.
As the AA literature reminds me, "God could and would if He were sought."
I always remember that I am just one bad choice away from acting out again sexually. But that's an OK place for me to be at this point in my life. And that's because my choice is actually not what I previously thought it was.
I used to try to fight the battle against lust in my own strength. But when I failed at that enough times to finally give up trying to fight and trying be strong, then I was finally ready for the SA solution: surrender (including surrendering to work the 12 Steps as directed by my sponsor).
Monday, April 6, 2015
Acceptance - A Personal Story
The following is a personal story from one of our members.
I've had to accept a lot of things along the journey to a "happy and joyous freedom I could otherwise never know." Some I wouldn't accept because of my pride. Some I wouldn't accept because of my fear or shame. Some I wouldn't accept because I had already made up my mind, and accepting that would prove I was wrong. Some I wouldn't accept because if I did, it would mean that I would have to submit myself to God instead of keeping on running (or is that "ruining"?) my own life.
I had to accept powerlessness, and that I always will be. I had to accept that I am weak. I had to accept that I didn't have the requisite strength to fight lust. I had to accept that I am "the addict" I kept trying to run from, kept trying to struggle with, kept trying to separate myself from (as if I could separate myself from myself). I had to accept that I didn't know what to do or how to do it. I had to accept the direction of a sponsor and the other addicts who's experience meant that they knew a whole lot more than me about what it took to get sober and stay sober. I had to accept that God was God, and I was not.
And I could go on and on with the list of what all I've had to accept. As the SA book reminds me, "until we had been driven to the point of despair, until we really wanted to stop but could not, we did not give ourselves to this program of recovery." I had to accept that I could not, but that "God could and would if He were sought."
I've had to accept a lot of things along the journey to a "happy and joyous freedom I could otherwise never know." Some I wouldn't accept because of my pride. Some I wouldn't accept because of my fear or shame. Some I wouldn't accept because I had already made up my mind, and accepting that would prove I was wrong. Some I wouldn't accept because if I did, it would mean that I would have to submit myself to God instead of keeping on running (or is that "ruining"?) my own life.
I had to accept powerlessness, and that I always will be. I had to accept that I am weak. I had to accept that I didn't have the requisite strength to fight lust. I had to accept that I am "the addict" I kept trying to run from, kept trying to struggle with, kept trying to separate myself from (as if I could separate myself from myself). I had to accept that I didn't know what to do or how to do it. I had to accept the direction of a sponsor and the other addicts who's experience meant that they knew a whole lot more than me about what it took to get sober and stay sober. I had to accept that God was God, and I was not.
And I could go on and on with the list of what all I've had to accept. As the SA book reminds me, "until we had been driven to the point of despair, until we really wanted to stop but could not, we did not give ourselves to this program of recovery." I had to accept that I could not, but that "God could and would if He were sought."
Monday, March 23, 2015
Origins and Solutions - A Personal Story
(The following is a personal story from one of our members.)
Something I read got me thinking again about the "origins" of my addiction, at least thinking about my past attempts to figure it out.
When I was in college I started seeing a counselor because of my sexual acting out behavior. I knew I had a problem, and I was looking for a solution. The way I figured it, therapy was supposed to help me discover why I had a problem so that I would then somehow "just know" how to be free of this problem. I was looking for the "knowledge-based" solution. Just tell me where this came from, and then I'd be able to do something about it.
Apparently either he was a bad counselor, or I was a bad client, but in either case, there was no obvious predisposing factor I could pin my sexual addiction on. Actually, I really did like him as a counselor, and he did a lot to help me in those years. But I did not find either an origin or a solution to my problem. Nothing I "discovered" about myself did anything to stop my sexual acting out.
To this day, I still don't know the "why" of it. I don't know where it came from. I don't have any specific memories of events that "caused" me to be this way. Nothing I've come up with. Maybe I'm an anomaly, but that no longer matters to me either.
But I know without the least doubt the "what" of it: I am a sexaholic. I am what I am. I can't cut it out of me. I can't will it away. I can't think it away. I can't gain enough understanding or knowledge to "beat it". Because "it" is me. I've had to just accept and embrace what I am: a sex addict who is powerless over lust, who's life had become unmanageable.
But in working the program of the 12 Steps with a sponsor alongside other addicts, I have had a "spiritual awakening" in which I have begun to connect rightly with God and others. And as I connect rightly with God and others in the moments of life as life comes to me, I am given the gifts of sobriety and recovery. God is doing for me what I could not do for myself.
Simply put, the God of my understanding "could and would if He were sought." So I seek Him through surrendering in this 12 Step program of action, and He takes care of "the addict" who is me. And that's been working when nothing else has.
Something I read got me thinking again about the "origins" of my addiction, at least thinking about my past attempts to figure it out.
When I was in college I started seeing a counselor because of my sexual acting out behavior. I knew I had a problem, and I was looking for a solution. The way I figured it, therapy was supposed to help me discover why I had a problem so that I would then somehow "just know" how to be free of this problem. I was looking for the "knowledge-based" solution. Just tell me where this came from, and then I'd be able to do something about it.
Apparently either he was a bad counselor, or I was a bad client, but in either case, there was no obvious predisposing factor I could pin my sexual addiction on. Actually, I really did like him as a counselor, and he did a lot to help me in those years. But I did not find either an origin or a solution to my problem. Nothing I "discovered" about myself did anything to stop my sexual acting out.
To this day, I still don't know the "why" of it. I don't know where it came from. I don't have any specific memories of events that "caused" me to be this way. Nothing I've come up with. Maybe I'm an anomaly, but that no longer matters to me either.
But I know without the least doubt the "what" of it: I am a sexaholic. I am what I am. I can't cut it out of me. I can't will it away. I can't think it away. I can't gain enough understanding or knowledge to "beat it". Because "it" is me. I've had to just accept and embrace what I am: a sex addict who is powerless over lust, who's life had become unmanageable.
But in working the program of the 12 Steps with a sponsor alongside other addicts, I have had a "spiritual awakening" in which I have begun to connect rightly with God and others. And as I connect rightly with God and others in the moments of life as life comes to me, I am given the gifts of sobriety and recovery. God is doing for me what I could not do for myself.
Simply put, the God of my understanding "could and would if He were sought." So I seek Him through surrendering in this 12 Step program of action, and He takes care of "the addict" who is me. And that's been working when nothing else has.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Joy - A Personal Story
The following is a personal story from one of our members.
Often in meetings it's so easy to focus on what didn't go so well that week. But meetings really are amazing, and can be a place of real joy.
Besides our SA meetings, I have a different small group of men that I meet with every week. There's no other sexaholics in that group I know of. They know I'm recovering, but only two of them know any of the details. It's a great group of men, but it's not like my local SA group.
In my SA group, I can talk about my most painful memories and my worst shame. I know I'm safe there. I know there are others there who understand. I won't be judged or rejected. I need not hide anything. There is joy to be had in an SA meeting, if only I recognize the amazing things God is doing there in each of us and through our unity as well.
But I still think the joy that comes from experiencing being set free from the power of my lust tops the list. Sometimes I go for quite some time without thinking about what an amazing gift that really is. But there are lots of other times, particularly when I'm reviewing a day that had so many externals going wrong all around me, that I come to the end of the day and think, "Wow, I'm still sober, and I didn't have to be enslaved to my obsessions and compulsions today."
When I really stop to think about it, being sober today still amazes me. What used to be the "impossible" comes true each day, one day at a time. The feeling thar brings to me really is joy.
Often in meetings it's so easy to focus on what didn't go so well that week. But meetings really are amazing, and can be a place of real joy.
Besides our SA meetings, I have a different small group of men that I meet with every week. There's no other sexaholics in that group I know of. They know I'm recovering, but only two of them know any of the details. It's a great group of men, but it's not like my local SA group.
In my SA group, I can talk about my most painful memories and my worst shame. I know I'm safe there. I know there are others there who understand. I won't be judged or rejected. I need not hide anything. There is joy to be had in an SA meeting, if only I recognize the amazing things God is doing there in each of us and through our unity as well.
But I still think the joy that comes from experiencing being set free from the power of my lust tops the list. Sometimes I go for quite some time without thinking about what an amazing gift that really is. But there are lots of other times, particularly when I'm reviewing a day that had so many externals going wrong all around me, that I come to the end of the day and think, "Wow, I'm still sober, and I didn't have to be enslaved to my obsessions and compulsions today."
When I really stop to think about it, being sober today still amazes me. What used to be the "impossible" comes true each day, one day at a time. The feeling thar brings to me really is joy.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Despair quickly! - A Personal Story
The following is a personal story from one of our members.
In a meeting I heard another member share:
In a meeting I heard another member share:
Despair as quickly as possible of coming up with a better way to recover than the sober people have.
It's got to be a symptom of this crazy disease that so many addicts will do just about anything but what is necessary to gain sobriety. I did exactly that myself. That is until I finally gave up in despair.
For me, the journey to finally surrendering to God and the 12 Step program of SA started way back in 1989. I believe that is the year I first went to a thriving meeting of SA in the Chicago area. There was plenty of sobriety even then in that room, but I also kept those "sober fanatics" at arms length, and opted for my own "design it yourself" program. I was too proud and too lazy to do it anyone else's way. An "easier, softer way" would suit me just fine, thank you very much.
But I didn't stay sober. And I didn't have recovery and serenity and peace and freedom from the obsessions and compulsions.
Despair, yes I needed to despair. Pain is an amazingly powerful teacher and motivator.
Fast-forward to today, and I no longer live in pain and despair. I don't have to act out today. I have freedom from the obsessions and compulsions. I don't have to be a slave to lust any more. I am connected to a Power greater than myself. And God does for me what I can't do for myself.
And all that has happened because I finally despaired of doing it my way, and instead surrendered and worked the 12 Steps under the direction of a sponsor as the path to a spiritual awakening that has connected me rightly to God and others.
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