Conscious Contact with God

(The following is a post from one our our group members.)

Recently in our local in-person meeting we read the Step Eleven chapter in the AA book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Step 11 is all about prayer and meditation: "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

The following quote is from what we read in that chapter (p. 97-98). This was a section that really stood out to me. 

...We liked [S.A.] all right, and were quick to say that it had done miracles. But we recoiled from meditation and prayer as obstinately as the scientist who refused to perform a certain experiment lest it prove his pet theory wrong. Of course we finally did experiment, and when unexpected results followed, we felt different; in fact we knew different; and so we were sold on meditation and prayer. And that, we have found, can happen to anybody who tries. It has been well said that “almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough.”

Those of us who have come to make regular use of prayer would no more do without it than we would refuse air, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When we refuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when we turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally needed support. As the body can fail its purpose for lack of nourishment, so can the soul. We all need the light of God’s reality, the nourishment of His strength, and the atmosphere of His grace. To an amazing extent the facts of A.A. life confirm this ageless truth.

When I started to work the Steps of the program, I was practicing a minimal form of "conscious contact with God". That was pretty much limited to my panicked prayers of surrender of lust to God. I'm not saying that was terribly bad. On the contrary, for me that was absolutely necessary if I was going actually to stay sober. And I'd say that God was very gracious to me through those early days when my prayers were quite utilitarian, begging God to handle my lust, but not really interested in "an unshakable foundation for life." (p. 98) I was still trying to limit what I would let God control, preferring in so many situations to hold onto the control, no matter that my control was an illusion and often resulted in a bad outcome.

I am always encouraged when I remember that other AA literature reminds me that "we claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection." Growth in my conscious contact with God is being made. I now enjoy spending more and more time in conscious contact with God in prayer and meditation. I have found that what starts out as something I feel I should do can become something I want to do if I simply make a commitment and then stick with it. Seems those old-timers in AA actually did know a thing or two.

Third Step Prayer

(The following is a personal post from one of our members.)

At our local face-to-face meeting we are reading through the Alcoholics Anonymous book (AABB). In our last meeting, we read through the first half of Chapter 5, How It Works. That section contains the "Third Step Prayer". Here it is from page 63:

"God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always."

Our local group prays this prayer together almost every week, and that's great. But one of the downsides of repeating something so often can be a tendency to not really think about what we are saying to God about. 

The phrase that stood out to me the most as we read it this time was this: "Take away my difficulties,...." I am asking God to do something for me that seems to me to be something almost everyone would desire if they really believed there was a God who "could and would" do this for them. 

Asking for God to do this for me is an admission of my powerlessness. If I could do it myself, why would I be asking God to do it for me? And when I approach my difficulties with this acceptance that I need God to do this for me, then I can "bear witness" not to what I have done, but for what God has done for me that I could not do myself.

"God, grant..."

(The following is a personal post from one of our group members.)

I really love the concept  of (and experience of) "God, grant..." in our 12 Step recovery program. It shows up in so many forms. I need something God has, and I'm requesting him to give me what I need.

The Serenity Prayer starts out "God, grant...." It then goes on to ask God to give me what I need, but what I don't naturally have in myself. If I already had it, I wouldn't need to ask for it. That's why most of us are praying. We are seeking something from God that we need, including seeking God himself, which actually is our greatest need. 

The ancient root word for "pray" means "ask earnestly, beg, or entreat," That should be what I am doing when I pray, and my inner attitude should align with my earnest request.

I'm thinking about the Third Step Prayer as suggested in the Alcoholics Anonymous book. In that prayer, I ask God to "take away my difficulties,"  and then go on to say "that victory over them may bear witness to Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life." In my early days of going to SA meetings, I was looking for God to take away just enough of my difficulties so that I would be able to handle the rest in my own power. I still wanted to be in charge of my own life, so I only wanted a little boost. I didn't pay attention to the first part of the Third Step Prayer where I would say "God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will." And I definitely wasn't approaching God with the bedrock acceptance that I was indeed "powerless over lust". I wanted the power to wield as I saw fit. I wanted the victory to be mine, not his.  Apparently God wasn't interested in that arrangement, hence my many, many years of defeat and slavery to lust. 

It takes humility to "ask earnestly, beg, or entreat" God (or anyone else). I often hear "I'll do it myself" from the lips of little children, and it's sometimes quite amusing to watch what happens next. But for me, the "fun and games" had long-since ended, and the results of years of pride and failure wasn't funny at all. I needed to have a change of heart, to develop a willingness to ask for help and be willing to align my behavior and attitudes with whatever God was willing to grant.  

Thank God that he actually wants me to "succeed". I needed saving. I needed a Power greater than myself that could and would do for me what I couldn't do myself. And I needed the humility to "ask earnestly, beg, and entreat" God to do all of that. And he has. 

The Solution to Fear

 (The following is a personal post from one of our group members.)

Recently in our local group meeting, we read from the SA Step Into Action book, Step Four. I found this particular paragraph stood out to me (page 73). 

We find that, once again, prayer coupled with action is the solution. We use prayer to address each fear. We begin to see ourselves as people who can live in faith, not fear; who can start the day with hope, not despair; who can take the next right action, rather than wallow in the expectation of defeat. This is how we begin to outgrow fear.

Two weeks ago I was asked to share about my spiritual growth process in a setting that would leave me quite vulnerable. If I'm going to share honestly about my spiritual growth, there's no way not to talk about my addiction recovery. My natural reaction to possible "exposure" is to run and hide. I am afraid of people knowing too much about me. I have told myself that the more people know, the more reason they have to condemn me, just as I have condemned myself. This is a long-term pattern for me from my many years of judging myself. (And then there is that little issue of being quite introverted....)

Given that it was a pastor friend that asked me to share, I thought I'd better at least "say" I'd pray about it. But then having said I would pray about it, I didn't want to be a liar. So then I actually had to go ahead and talk to God about it. And then given that I had "made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God" at some point in this journey, that meant that I had already committed to "take the next right action". 

In prayer, it became clear to me that the only reason to not share my story was because I was scared of looking bad. But this was actually an opportunity to give credit where credit is due, and to let people know that God has been truly amazing and loving and gracious to me. And I actually am very grateful for what he has done in my life (if I take some time to actually think about that for a couple of seconds). So that sealed the decision, and I shared my story yesterday. 

I tried to not so much share "my story", but to share the story of what God has graciously done in my life. One of those areas of growth is to be willing to be vulnerable, even if it scares me. What happens after that is simply up to God. And since I know that God isn't condemning me, I need not worry about anyone else.

Struggling is optional

(The following is a personal post from one of our members.)

My experience prior to SA recovery was that struggling was necessary. The only defense against lust was to exert as much energy as I could muster to fight and struggle against it. Lust proved to always be more powerful than me, and thus I always lost the fight. I am powerless over lust (Step One), plain and simple.

Surrender came with a whimper. No effort. No fight. Just acceptance that I will always be a sexaholic and I will never be able to handle lust and the temptations from within and the triggers from without. The deadly combination of the world around me and my addicted mind inside me colluded to bring me down every time. I had lost the battle.

On my knees is where I must stay, surrendered to my Maker. My will and life are His for whatever He chooses to do with them. And so I also I give my lust and the temptations and triggers to him in an act of surrender every time there is even a hint of it, a whiff of the old familiar scent, the slightest thought of a lust-filled memory, the tiniest beginning of a fantasy, the remotest possibility of that person or image in the corner of my eye taking hold of me. Surrender is all I have to offer.

And at times when all of those converge in a massive force that is palpable, the solution remains the same: acceptance that I am a sexaholic and that I am and always will be powerless over lust, and then surrendering in attitude and action to a loving God who is always willing to receive from me that which I freely give to Him, including my lust and character defects.

Struggling is now an option that I no longer choose. Surrendering time and again has created a new "default setting". I learned all of that by going to meetings, getting a sponsor, and working the Steps as directed. That is the SA solution for those willing to submit to it.

The drug is lust

(This is a personal story from one of our members.)

For me as a sexaholic, the drug is sexual lust. Sexual acting out simply follows. I've had recovering alcoholics share with me that as a sexaholic, they have come to realize that "the drug is in my brain". I agree; the drug is in my brain, because the drug is sexual lust.

But the early AAs also told me (in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book) that in the end there likely comes a time when the alcoholic had to learn to rely on exactly the same solution that I must, or neither of us is going to stay sober.

"Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power." (AABB p. 43)

I can't simply avoid my drug; it's in my brain. If I'm lusting, I'm high on my drug. I need a Power greater than myself, and I need that Power to do for me what I can't do for myself. I must have a Power that will accept and can take care of the lust that I willingly surrender to Him (stop struggling with it and hand it over).

The awesome thing is that working the Steps under the guidance of a sponsor resulted in a significant enough spiritual awakening that connected me rightly with that Power, a loving God. So I know where to go when I have "no mental defense" against the drug in my brain, which actually for me means every time. And so instead of ever trying to face that drug alone, I just always go to God with it no matter how "trivial" it may initially appear to be. And in doing so, I continue to connect with Him in prayer, sometimes many, many times throughout the day, turning temptation into opportunity for a conscious connection with God.

It's The Little Things - A Personal Story

(The following is a personal post from a group member.)

I got up this morning, and looked on my smartphone at the list of email I had received overnight.  There were some important emails that I would need to take care of later today.  I started to think about them.  I started to think about how to answer particular ones.  I started to forget that I need to begin every day with a time of prayer and reading to connect with God first thing in the morning. And even when I turned around and went back to where I kneel for prayer, my mind was already distracted with many things.  It was much harder to "connect" with God this morning. 

It's usually the little things that set me up for the big things to knock me down.