"God, grant..."

(The following is a personal post from one of our group members.)

I really love the concept  of (and experience of) "God, grant..." in our 12 Step recovery program. It shows up in so many forms. I need something God has, and I'm requesting him to give me what I need.

The Serenity Prayer starts out "God, grant...." It then goes on to ask God to give me what I need, but what I don't naturally have in myself. If I already had it, I wouldn't need to ask for it. That's why most of us are praying. We are seeking something from God that we need, including seeking God himself, which actually is our greatest need. 

The ancient root word for "pray" means "ask earnestly, beg, or entreat," That should be what I am doing when I pray, and my inner attitude should align with my earnest request.

I'm thinking about the Third Step Prayer as suggested in the Alcoholics Anonymous book. In that prayer, I ask God to "take away my difficulties,"  and then go on to say "that victory over them may bear witness to Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life." In my early days of going to SA meetings, I was looking for God to take away just enough of my difficulties so that I would be able to handle the rest in my own power. I still wanted to be in charge of my own life, so I only wanted a little boost. I didn't pay attention to the first part of the Third Step Prayer where I would say "God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will." And I definitely wasn't approaching God with the bedrock acceptance that I was indeed "powerless over lust". I wanted the power to wield as I saw fit. I wanted the victory to be mine, not his.  Apparently God wasn't interested in that arrangement, hence my many, many years of defeat and slavery to lust. 

It takes humility to "ask earnestly, beg, or entreat" God (or anyone else). I often hear "I'll do it myself" from the lips of little children, and it's sometimes quite amusing to watch what happens next. But for me, the "fun and games" had long-since ended, and the results of years of pride and failure wasn't funny at all. I needed to have a change of heart, to develop a willingness to ask for help and be willing to align my behavior and attitudes with whatever God was willing to grant.  

Thank God that he actually wants me to "succeed". I needed saving. I needed a Power greater than myself that could and would do for me what I couldn't do myself. And I needed the humility to "ask earnestly, beg, and entreat" God to do all of that. And he has. 

Who's in charge?

(The following is a post from one of our members.)

There's a great section in the Sexaholics Anonymous book "Getting an SA Sponsor" (p. 72-75). There is this really important sentence right in the middle of that section that is highlighted and set apart for emphasis in the book. Here's what it says:

"I wanted to stay in charge. That's why God and healing could never get to me."

I made this mistake. And I think every person I've ever sponsored has also made this mistake to varying degrees. I wanted to stay in charge!

Early on when I was dabbling in the SA program (a really insane thing to do, btw), I looked for just the right person who I thought would be just right for me. And then when he agreed, I went to work doing the Steps the way I thought they would work for me. When I talked to him, I would tell him my ideas about how I was doing things, and then I would ask his opinion, just in case he had something small to add to my well thought out plans.

The relationship did not last very long. I wanted him to be what I wanted him to be and to say what I wanted to hear, and to never tell me I should do something I didn't feel like I needed to do.

The problem was my attitude. I had not yet acquired the requisite humility to be willing to follow a sponsor's suggestions and do thing someone else's way. I needed a lot more humiliation, and I needed to experience my own version of the "incomprehensible demoralization" before I could start to develop the proper attitude of surrender to another human and thus learn how to surrender also to God.

Surrender and staying in charge of my recovery were incompatible. Finding just the right person was not only unnecessary, but truly impossible. God may be perfect, but the rest of us surely are not. And when I finally had the necessary humility (barely sufficient) and submitted to a sponsor and did what I was told to do someone else's way, the Steps actually worked!