(The following is a personal post from one of our group members.)
Recently in our local group meeting, we read from the SA Step Into Action book, Step Four. I found this particular paragraph stood out to me (page 73).
We find that, once again, prayer coupled with action is the solution. We use prayer to address each fear. We begin to see ourselves as people who can live in faith, not fear; who can start the day with hope, not despair; who can take the next right action, rather than wallow in the expectation of defeat. This is how we begin to outgrow fear.
Two weeks ago I was asked to share about my spiritual growth process in a setting that would leave me quite vulnerable. If I'm going to share honestly about my spiritual growth, there's no way not to talk about my addiction recovery. My natural reaction to possible "exposure" is to run and hide. I am afraid of people knowing too much about me. I have told myself that the more people know, the more reason they have to condemn me, just as I have condemned myself. This is a long-term pattern for me from my many years of judging myself. (And then there is that little issue of being quite introverted....)
Given that it was a pastor friend that asked me to share, I thought I'd better at least "say" I'd pray about it. But then having said I would pray about it, I didn't want to be a liar. So then I actually had to go ahead and talk to God about it. And then given that I had "made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God" at some point in this journey, that meant that I had already committed to "take the next right action".
In prayer, it became clear to me that the only reason to not share my story was because I was scared of looking bad. But this was actually an opportunity to give credit where credit is due, and to let people know that God has been truly amazing and loving and gracious to me. And I actually am very grateful for what he has done in my life (if I take some time to actually think about that for a couple of seconds). So that sealed the decision, and I shared my story yesterday.
I tried to not so much share "my story", but to share the story of what God has graciously done in my life. One of those areas of growth is to be willing to be vulnerable, even if it scares me. What happens after that is simply up to God. And since I know that God isn't condemning me, I need not worry about anyone else.
