(The following is a post from one of our group members.)
One of the problems I had early on when I started in Sexaholics Anonymous was that I thought I had to understand everything, figure everything out, and design something that was just for me in order to have a program that would work just for me. I suffered from a malady others have referred to as being "terminally unique". It was just another variation on being selfish, being prideful, having to be in control, and being fearful of actually having to change.
The solution turned out to be the same "boring" suggestions I hear from recovering s-aholics and alcoholics everywhere: go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the Steps. I had to stop wasting my time worrying about and planning for how I was going to solve all my problems. I simply had to start doing what the sober, recovering people had done and were doing. But as long as I tried to stay in control, figure it out and avoid change, I stayed wallowing in the problem.
Freedom is so much better.
Showing posts with label meetings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meetings. Show all posts
Saturday, November 2, 2019
Monday, February 1, 2016
Respect for SA's Traditions
(This is a personal story from one of our members.)
I have an ever-growing respect for the SA Traditions. SA (and AA before that) still exist and can offer a program of recovery because the Traditions have ensured they are still here, still doing what they were designed to do from the beginning.
Naturally I am a "member" of some other organizations such as my workplace and my religious affiliation. And I've seen and experienced the rise (and fall) of personalities in those groups. It truly is a rare person who can be the focus of attention for very long before that attention leads to problems of power and control. As someone once said, "we are by nature glory-hoarding, self-centered, control freaks." I know I certainly am.
In keeping with the principles in our SA literature (Tradition 2), our local group refers to the members who have been elected to positions of "leadership" as "trusted servants." When I am serving the group as treasurer or literature chairperson or secretary, I am reminded every week when we read the Traditions together that as a "trusted servant", my "position" in the group is for the purpose of serving this local fellowship. And I am further reminded that the primary purpose of our group is to carry the message to the sexaholic who still suffers (Tradition 5). Serving and helping others diminishes my tendency toward becoming a "personality".
The Traditions are packed with so much great stuff that helps keeps the "me" in check from harming "us". And this too requires that I surrender my will to God, or I will naturally default to being a "glory-hoarding, self-centered, control freak" in my pursuit of my personality.
I have an ever-growing respect for the SA Traditions. SA (and AA before that) still exist and can offer a program of recovery because the Traditions have ensured they are still here, still doing what they were designed to do from the beginning.
Naturally I am a "member" of some other organizations such as my workplace and my religious affiliation. And I've seen and experienced the rise (and fall) of personalities in those groups. It truly is a rare person who can be the focus of attention for very long before that attention leads to problems of power and control. As someone once said, "we are by nature glory-hoarding, self-centered, control freaks." I know I certainly am.
In keeping with the principles in our SA literature (Tradition 2), our local group refers to the members who have been elected to positions of "leadership" as "trusted servants." When I am serving the group as treasurer or literature chairperson or secretary, I am reminded every week when we read the Traditions together that as a "trusted servant", my "position" in the group is for the purpose of serving this local fellowship. And I am further reminded that the primary purpose of our group is to carry the message to the sexaholic who still suffers (Tradition 5). Serving and helping others diminishes my tendency toward becoming a "personality".
The Traditions are packed with so much great stuff that helps keeps the "me" in check from harming "us". And this too requires that I surrender my will to God, or I will naturally default to being a "glory-hoarding, self-centered, control freak" in my pursuit of my personality.
Monday, November 30, 2015
First face-to-face meeting
(This is a personal story from one of our members.)
I recall my first face to face meeting, which was a long time ago in a place far, far away. But I still remember it quite clearly.
What surprised me when I walked into that room was that there were a few women among the more than twenty people there. I was a bit shocked and wondered to myself how it would be to talk about sexual problems in a room that included women.
Turned out that it really was no problem at all, particularly when over time (fairly quickly) I got to know those women and realized that everybody was there with the same root problem and the same potential solution. The details didn't matter at all, and in fact, the details typically just got in the road of what we needed to be talking about and doing for sobriety.
It didn't matter in the end what my or anyone else's particular attractions, struggles, perversions, or acting out behaviors actually were. The core problem was spiritual, the mis-connection with God and others. The common solution was also spiritual, connecting rightly with God and others by working the Steps under the guidance of a sponsor.
Now in my case it took me a lot more years and a lot more pain before I became willing to really surrender to that God, but that's another story.
I recall my first face to face meeting, which was a long time ago in a place far, far away. But I still remember it quite clearly.
What surprised me when I walked into that room was that there were a few women among the more than twenty people there. I was a bit shocked and wondered to myself how it would be to talk about sexual problems in a room that included women.
Turned out that it really was no problem at all, particularly when over time (fairly quickly) I got to know those women and realized that everybody was there with the same root problem and the same potential solution. The details didn't matter at all, and in fact, the details typically just got in the road of what we needed to be talking about and doing for sobriety.
It didn't matter in the end what my or anyone else's particular attractions, struggles, perversions, or acting out behaviors actually were. The core problem was spiritual, the mis-connection with God and others. The common solution was also spiritual, connecting rightly with God and others by working the Steps under the guidance of a sponsor.
Now in my case it took me a lot more years and a lot more pain before I became willing to really surrender to that God, but that's another story.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Joy - A Personal Story
The following is a personal story from one of our members.
Often in meetings it's so easy to focus on what didn't go so well that week. But meetings really are amazing, and can be a place of real joy.
Besides our SA meetings, I have a different small group of men that I meet with every week. There's no other sexaholics in that group I know of. They know I'm recovering, but only two of them know any of the details. It's a great group of men, but it's not like my local SA group.
In my SA group, I can talk about my most painful memories and my worst shame. I know I'm safe there. I know there are others there who understand. I won't be judged or rejected. I need not hide anything. There is joy to be had in an SA meeting, if only I recognize the amazing things God is doing there in each of us and through our unity as well.
But I still think the joy that comes from experiencing being set free from the power of my lust tops the list. Sometimes I go for quite some time without thinking about what an amazing gift that really is. But there are lots of other times, particularly when I'm reviewing a day that had so many externals going wrong all around me, that I come to the end of the day and think, "Wow, I'm still sober, and I didn't have to be enslaved to my obsessions and compulsions today."
When I really stop to think about it, being sober today still amazes me. What used to be the "impossible" comes true each day, one day at a time. The feeling thar brings to me really is joy.
Often in meetings it's so easy to focus on what didn't go so well that week. But meetings really are amazing, and can be a place of real joy.
Besides our SA meetings, I have a different small group of men that I meet with every week. There's no other sexaholics in that group I know of. They know I'm recovering, but only two of them know any of the details. It's a great group of men, but it's not like my local SA group.
In my SA group, I can talk about my most painful memories and my worst shame. I know I'm safe there. I know there are others there who understand. I won't be judged or rejected. I need not hide anything. There is joy to be had in an SA meeting, if only I recognize the amazing things God is doing there in each of us and through our unity as well.
But I still think the joy that comes from experiencing being set free from the power of my lust tops the list. Sometimes I go for quite some time without thinking about what an amazing gift that really is. But there are lots of other times, particularly when I'm reviewing a day that had so many externals going wrong all around me, that I come to the end of the day and think, "Wow, I'm still sober, and I didn't have to be enslaved to my obsessions and compulsions today."
When I really stop to think about it, being sober today still amazes me. What used to be the "impossible" comes true each day, one day at a time. The feeling thar brings to me really is joy.
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