(The following is a personal post from one of our member.)
Some of the sharing in our local group lately have caused me to think about the topic of willpower. Whenever I hear that word, I immediately think of a paragraph from the AA book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions that is so important that it gets quoted in the Sexaholics Anonymous book as well.
"It is when we try to make our will conform with God‘s that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of AA‘s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door." (12&12 p. 40)
I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes when I read something in the AA/SA literature it's like a switch gets flipped on that's never been on before. Reading this paragraph was one of those for me. I think that's what they mean by "this was a most wonderful revelation".
The purpose of the 12 Steps is to make it increasingly possible for me to bring my will into agreement with God's will. Me staying sober is apparently not the primary purpose of the 12 Steps. I appreciate that clarity because in my own experience, sobriety has been an outcome of having my will conformed to God's will. Staying sober is the result of my relationship with God in which I surrender my will to God. If I'm not making my will conform to God's, I'm not using it rightly. Bombarding my problems with my own willpower is nothing but trouble, and I certainly would be on my way to a relapse.
As I look back at my early years in SA, it clear that I was on the wrong path for such a long time. I kept trying to use my willpower against my problems, including my problems with sexual acting out. But all the time there was only one thing that I had to do: surrender my will into agreement with God's will.
So even though I didn't know it when I started, the whole purpose of my working the 12 Steps under the direction of a sponsor was to make it increasingly possible for me to line up my will with God's. The purpose was not to make it possible for me to get strong enough to change myself or win against this big problem of mine (lust and sexual acting out) or to avoid being tempted. It was to connect me rightly with God and His will for me. Every other positive outcome is the result of the work of God in my life.
I certainly haven't arrived when it comes to surrendering my will to God. But by continuing to work the SA the program, I am reminded that this is the path to true freedom and growth. And I am grateful that it really does work when this is how I use my will.
