(This post is a personal story from one of our members.)
I'm reminded by something I read in the Alcoholics Anonymous book that we don't decide for someone else whether or not they are an addict. (And then they gave a suggested test for "potential" alcoholics who want to try to find out for themselves, which involved some more drinking.) So all I can say is what is true for me, someone who has concluded without a doubt that I am a sexaholic.
I acted out to deal with stress. I acted out to avoid feelings. I acted out to escape from life. I acted out to have a fantasy world to live in. I acted out to punish myself. I acted out to reward myself. I acted out to prepare for the day. I acted out to help me get to sleep. I acted out because the sex I engaged in two minutes ago wasn't the fantasy I wanted it to be. I acted out because I was bored. I acted out to heighten dull emotions. I acted out to heighten already heightened emotions. I acted out to bring myself out of the dumps. I acted out because I liked how it felt. I acted out because I just acted out and I was feeling awful about it. I acted out because it made me feel in control of something. I acted out because it made me my own god. I acted out because of the intrigue, the tease and the forbidden. I acted out because I believed it was impossible not to, so I might as well get it over with. I acted out for myriad of other reasons.
But whatever might be the particular reason at any particular moment, in the end, I acted out because I am a sexaholic. And that means for me that acting out is what inevitably follows my lusting. And I couldn't stop, even when I wanted to.
And then finally when I was really ready to be done with acting out, I surrendered to God and to this simple program of working the 12 Steps under the direction of a sponsor. And now I am no longer acting out.
