Monday, March 21, 2016

So what is "surrender"?

(This is a personal post from one of our members.)

I talk a lot about surrender when I share my story with others, so I am often asked what surrender means to me. I really like this definition for surrender I found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary a few years ago:
"Surrender: to agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., because you know that you will not win or succeed. : to give the control or use of (something) to someone else."

In my experience, that is probably as accurate as it can be defined for this sexaholic!

First, I had to agree with God to stop fighting, hiding and resisting because I finally knew in the core of my being that I could not win or succeed (Step One).

  • I stopped fighting lust. I stopped fighting being a sexaholic. I stopped fighting God.
  • I stopped hiding the truth about what I was (a sexaholic) and what I had done (my wrongs/sins) from myself. I stopped hiding that from God (or should I say, "trying to hide that" from God). I stopped hiding from my fellow sexaholics, and particularly from my sponsor, the true nature of what I was and what I had done.
  • I stopped resisting lust. I stopped resisting temptations and triggers (surrendering them instead). I stopped resisting God and his will for my actions and life.


Then I gave control of myself to God.

  • I gave control over my lusting to God. I gave control over my sexual acting out to God. I gave the control of my will and life to God for his use.  


And because I am a sexaholic, that meant that I agreed to work the 12 Steps of the SA program as my sponsor directed me to do so. I gave up my supposed freedom so that I could become truly free from the bondage of lust and sexual acting out.

As the SA book says it on page 81:
"In summary, for us surrender is the change in attitude of the inner person that makes life possible. It is the great beginning, the insignia and watchword of our program. And no amount of knowledge about surrender can make it a fact until we simply give up, let go, and let God. When we surrender our 'freedom,' we become truly free."

Monday, March 7, 2016

Why did this happen?

(This is a personal post from one of our members.)

Before I finally started to listen to a S.A. sponsor and follow his directions to work the 12 Steps of the S.A. program, I was very interested in figuring out the answers to my questions about why I was addicted to lust and why I kept doing these things that in the end caused me pain and despair. I thought it was important to figure out "why" because I was still under the delusion that if I could figure it out, then I could do something about it. But that meant that I still had not really admitted and accepted that I am a sexaholic (Step One) and that I really am powerless over lust in any form. And I wasn't ready for this program until I finally got to that point of really admitting Step One was completely true for me.

The answer to the "why" questions are rather simple for me today. The answer is that I am a sexaholic, and I am not God. That's really all there is to it.

And that means that it would be essential for me to learn how to rightly connect with God in an attitude of complete surrender. And that happens for me as I work the 12 Steps of S.A. the way my sponsor suggested I do it.