Monday, April 6, 2015

Acceptance - A Personal Story

The following is a personal story from one of our members.

I've had to accept a lot of things along the journey to a "happy and joyous freedom I could otherwise never know." Some I wouldn't accept because of my pride. Some I wouldn't accept because of my fear or shame. Some I wouldn't accept because I had already made up my mind, and accepting that would prove I was wrong. Some I wouldn't accept because if I did, it would mean that I would have to submit myself to God instead of keeping on running (or is that "ruining"?) my own life.

I had to accept powerlessness, and that I always will be. I had to accept that I am weak. I had to accept that I didn't have the requisite strength to fight lust. I had to accept that I am "the addict" I kept trying to run from, kept trying to struggle with, kept trying to separate myself from (as if I could separate myself from myself). I had to accept that I didn't know what to do or how to do it. I had to accept the direction of a sponsor and the other addicts who's experience meant that they knew a whole lot more than me about what it took to get sober and stay sober. I had to accept that God was God, and I was not.

And I could go on and on with the list of what all I've had to accept. As the SA book reminds me, "until we had been driven to the point of despair, until we really wanted to stop but could not, we did not give ourselves to this program of recovery." I had to accept that I could not, but that "God could and would if He were sought."