(The following is a personal post from one of our members.)
"The Solution" is a common reading at many local SA groups (SAWB p. 61-62). I really like how the SA program is summed up so well in just two pages. (Of course the book then goes on to walk us through the 12 Steps of the program in the following 93 pages, all worthy of being read and reread many times over.)
We began practicing a positive sobriety, taking the actions of love to improve our relations with others. We were learning how to give; and the measure we gave was the measure we got back. We were finding what none of the substitutes had ever supplied. We were making the real Connection. We were home.
When I first started in the SA program, I was pretty much focused in on myself. In a number of ways, that was what I needed to do. Much of what I was doing was reacting to lust and temptation and doing inventory work on the "wreckage of my past", I couldn't "give away what I didn't have", and true love for others was not something that I had to give.
But then again, I could choose to "take the actions of love" regardless of whether or not my motive was right or whether or not I really meant it or whether or not I was having a very negative emotion at the moment. All of those things were just excuses I gave myself for not being a loving person. But choosing to act in what I know would be for the best benefit of the other person, that is something I can do regardless of what else is going on inside of me.
One tiny example of "taking the actions" for me is when I wash the dishes. My hatred of washing dishes started when I was a teenager both in my parents home and in my first real paying job as a dishwasher in a diner. From that point on, it didn't matter where or when, I did not ever want to wash dishes or help with dish cleanup. And then a "miraculous" thing happened; I developed an allergic reaction to dish soap. ;-) I now have the perfect excuse for never washing dishes again!
But the dishes need to be washed, and there are ways to deal with my skin problems. So instead of making excuses for not doing what I don't want to do, I use that as an opportunity to show love to my spouse. I take the action of love, and sometimes even with the right motive, because I now do have something I can give away. And that came as I worked through the Steps under the direction of a sponsor and found that God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. And for that I am grateful.
